Jealousy in the Erotic

Jealousy is not what you think it is. You’ve been taught that it’s a problem, something to fix, to control, to suppress. You believe it’s the enemy of love, of security, of trust. But what if that’s a lie? What if jealousy is not something to get rid of, but something to use? What if it isn’t a block to arousal, but a pathway into it?

Because here’s what no one tells you: jealousy is arousal.

When your body is open, you don’t just feel your desire. You feel all desire. Every glance, every moment of attraction, every charge of turn-on that has passed through your partner’s body that day—you feel all of it. It moves through them, and then it moves through you. This is conversion. This is why jealousy, in arousal, doesn’t have to be suffering. It can be fuel. It can magnify everything. The turn-on expands, it becomes tenfold, and suddenly, you don’t just tolerate jealousy—you crave it. You want more of it.

But then there’s that moment. The small thoughts creep in. Is she prettier than me? Does he want her more? Am I being replaced? The contraction starts. The mind begins its game of control. Maybe you want to negotiate, to manage the feeling. You can talk to her, but don’t hug her. You can hug her, but don’t kiss her. You can kiss her, but don’t want her. You think that if you can just draw the boundaries in exactly the right place, the feeling will settle.

But contraction is death to arousal.

The only answer is to open more. To turn toward the feeling instead of away from it. You have to take that moment—the one that would normally make you shut down—and expand. You have to eroticize it. What if she is prettier than you? What if he is drawn to her? What happens if, instead of resisting that, you let it in? What if you use it? Let it move through your body, let it wake you up.

Because that is the cure for all anxieties in arousal: more opening.

Instead of running from the energy, invite it in. Let it pull you deeper into the current instead of dragging you out of it. The moment you stop filtering what you will and won’t allow yourself to feel, you enter the sanctuary. The place where there is nothing to grasp, nothing to hold onto, because everything is already there. No one is taking anything from you. No one can. The intimacy you create in this space is so much bigger than the small, fear-driven calculations of who is prettier, who is wanted more, who has the upper hand.

But if you shut down, if you resist, if you try to shrink the world so that you are the only source of your partner’s turn-on, you will kill the very thing you are trying to protect. You will suffocate both of you. You will cut off the current.

Most people try to stay in control here, they stay in “I don’t want to get triggered.” But that’s not where the real erotic path lives. The erotic path lies in playing the game of more.