The Illusion of Polyamory

We believe we’re choosing something new—monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, ethical non-monogamy—as if shifting the rules will change the game. But it’s all the same framework, the same finite system, just repackaged with different names. And the finite game always leads to the same outcome: diminishing returns. You grip tighter, you lose more. You cycle through novelty, mistaking it for freedom, mistaking it for something real.

Polyamory, for many, feels like breaking free—shedding ownership, expanding love, transcending limitation. But just like monogamy, it comes with its own set of rules, its own culture of do’s and don’ts, its own quiet policing of desire. What begins as a quest for liberation can just as easily become another structure to maintain, another set of expectations to manage, another identity to uphold.

But real freedom isn’t found in reconfiguring relationships. It’s found in seeing through the illusion entirely. The mind will resist this. It will say, I just need the right model, the right agreements, the right balance. But that’s the trick. It keeps you circling, searching for answers within a system that was never designed to lead beyond itself.

Beyond relationship structures, beyond models, beyond the endless rearranging of dynamics—there is a field with no opposite. A love that doesn’t diminish, that doesn’t run on scarcity or rules. A state where you are profoundly ethical, not to man-made constructs, but to the pulse of something much deeper.

And yet, this isn’t an escape. It’s not about rejecting relationship, or love, or intimacy. It’s stepping into an entirely different game—the game of liberation. Where connection is not based on finite resources, on control, on keeping something together. Instead, it moves like an open current, self-sustaining, expanding, rooted in something far beyond personal grasping.

We keep asking, Is it monogamy or polyamory? Is it openness or commitment? But there is another question, one that dissolves the illusion entirely: What happens when you stop searching for a framework to hold love—and instead step into love itself?