Addicted to Being Special

There’s a quiet seduction that lives in the word special.

For many women, it isn’t the love or the relationship itself they crave, but the validation that comes from being chosen—plucked out of the crowd, elevated above the rest.

To be the special one is intoxicating, a confirmation of worth so potent it feels like life itself. But this fixation has a cost, one we rarely name.

In the quest to be special, a woman unconsciously projects her value onto a man, making him the vessel for her sense of self. She objectifies him—not in the way we usually speak of objectification, but as the carrier of her worth. His attention, his admiration, his exclusivity become the proof of her importance.

This dynamic turns the relationship into a stage. She performs, curates, adjusts, all to maintain her status as the one. And in doing so, she loses the very thing she’s trying to secure: her authenticity, her power, her own sense of value.

The irony is that this addiction to being special often masks a deeper hunger—one for intimacy, for connection, for being truly seen. But when the focus shifts to securing her place in his world, she bypasses the vulnerability needed for real closeness.

Instead of relating to the man as a whole being, she relates to him as a reflection of her worth. This isn’t love; it’s projection. It’s a transaction disguised as romance, where both parties are reduced to roles that serve the dynamic rather than each other. 

Breaking this addiction requires a radical shift. It asks a woman to stop outsourcing her worth and instead turn inward. To see her own value, not as something given or confirmed by another, but as something intrinsic, unshakable. It asks her to meet the man as a person, not as a pedestal, and to let the relationship become a space of mutual discovery rather than performance.

True connection begins when the addiction to being special dissolves. When a woman no longer needs to be chosen to feel valuable, she becomes free—free to love, free to see, free to create relationships that are alive and real. And in that freedom, she discovers something deeper than special: she discovers herself.