The tumescent mind feeds on pain as power. Pain is seductive and familiar. But it’s resentment that keeps the tumescent mind alive, transforming pain into a weapon and a shield.
At its core, resentment is rooted in the fear of not getting what we want or need.
High arousal melts the static into the dynamic material of life, ready to be enlivened to meet the need of the time. Being in low arousal allows for the hardening of experience into resentment, and resentment is what keeps low arousal in place.
Resentment thrives on external blame—people, situations, conditions—as the cause of its pain.
“I can’t exercise because of my asthma. I’m overlooked because I’m a woman. I’m not successful because I’m an immigrant.”
By maintaining its innocence, the tumescent mind absolves itself of responsibility for any undesired outcomes, instead building a case against the world. This blame cycle creates a feedback loop of pain and powerlessness, collapsing the mind into a state of perpetual resentment.
Resentment is not just about others; it’s often about imagined barriers and past wounds, convincing the mind that if these were different, happiness would be within reach.
“If only I hadn’t experienced that hurt, I’d feel fulfilled.” The mind even preloads resentments, anticipating failure and blame before it even occurs.
Ultimately, resentment fuels the tumescent mind’s survival by providing a constant stream of perceived debts and wrongs that must be repaid. It extracts energy through anger, frustration, and rejection.
The tumescent mind’s low libido is synonymous with its resentment, each feeding off the other in a cycle of depletion and stagnation.