Skip the easy shot—the schadenfreude that we are sold, the one put between women like boric acid to keep us divided; the image of the actress who is “barely recognizable” (44 years later); the speculations about what a woman “had done”; the Kardashian bashing. Remember, in this great tango, we have to dance backward in heels, sucking in our stomachs while having to outsmart men to be seen as only mildly inferior. It’s hard enough to contend with the standard. We don’t have to add the weight of our disapproval to the mix.
Resist the urge to climb the ladder dressed as a man: competitive, “shrewd,” aggressive. Rather than using the force of ego, build spheres of influence. And let the influence do the only thing to be done—connect the dots of humanity until the power grid lights up.
This being said, remember that mothers lift cars off of children in feats unimaginable. Let the human quality of aggression be driven into the skillful wrath that allows no one, even the “bad guy,” to cause more harm in the world. But do operate not by a conventional morality that was established to keep women feeble and dependent, but according to the code embedded in our cells, in our womb, whether it is used to create life or art—that life is precious, and the enemy of life is not death but hate.
“Very well then, I contradict myself (I am large, I contain multitudes),” could indeed be the anthem of collective and individual Women. And if we are to exhibit our true largesse, it is incumbent upon us to be that which connects rather than separates. Instead of simply being Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Republican, Democrat, straight, rich, poor, queer, or trans, we can be the gender that exposes the division industry—the industry that makes a pretty penny from manufactured hate and the isolation that hate engenders—while still being true to our various communities. We carry the potential “others” in our bodies; we can demonstrate a world where we love as mothers do.
Own your acre. And tend to it before you go fixing anyone else’s. Ensure your own affairs are in order, that the basic neuroses of your own humanity are healed, that your sense of belonging is secured, and that your fundamental knowledge of your value and power is the center that you are operating from. Offerings come from overflow. Otherwise, you are seeking in the guise of a do-gooder.
There are two wisdoms. The first is that life is dynamic and impermanent, which brings hope that all can be amended. The second is that all is equally precious, which brings the desire to amend. Situate yourself here and then share from the garden you grow.
Intellect is cute, but wisdom is noble. Rather than outsmarting each other and knocking each other around with our various pedigrees (or lack thereof) cultivate the true gift: to be wide and open enough to hate the hatred and love the human.
Water the soil of the tallest poppy, even when she is not you. In the same way some communities get behind the gifted ones and pay for medical school so that they may return to tend to the community, elevate the women who demonstrate drive and potential rather than the women with the tendency to cut them down.
Show them how it is done. The men who fear that were we to take power, we would treat them as they have treated us. Show them that women have a fundamental wealth that can afford to lift all with their unique gifts. Retaliation is the activity of those who won’t admit their interior wealth.
Control the means of production, in the abstract and in the particular. Whether it’s producing life or industry—she who controls creation and output in this world determines the direction it will take. Sexual energies, our bodies, and our creativity are the most powerful resources on the planet. They can be reclaimed and used to eradicate greed, hatred, and delusion. We can harness the forms that have caused harm and repurpose them for benefit. As Audre Lorde said: The erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane. Reclaim your land.
More Musings
The Age of Eros is a manifesto, a guide, to the coming of an era. This is a woman’s way.
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