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A few musings and discoveries from a woman recently unleashed, unhinged and undone.

Uncomfortable Discovery Number 1

Most men are terrible in bed-

Now that I am sleeping with more than one guy and now that I don’t have to convince myself that this is as good as it gets in order to get love so that I can then get security, I am confronted with a very disturbing truth-most men are appallingly terrible in bed.  I’ve heard the stories, but in the world where I come from, the men are trained by the time they get to me.

Now, the stories have come to life in my bed- and I think, dear lord god, how did his last woman handle this?

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There was a contraption that Amelia Erhardt’s people strapped her into, a kind of flight simulator. It had no windows and it spun three hundred and sixty degrees. After whirling around for minutes, the machine stopped. There, in the dark, perhaps hanging upside down, men with clipboards yelled into her and asked, “Okay, what’s your direction now?” And she shouted back an answer, maybe northwest. She did this for months, until she was right almost every time.

She needed an internal compass that wasn’t nailed down, a compass that she could rely on irrespective of weather or the accuracy of flight control. She needed something that functioned perfectly in all conditions.

My compass was pointing due Trader Joes.  Nipples skimming my linen shirt, the sliding doors part.  I am surrounded by cool air and barely audible easy listening music. While dropping edamame into my cart and looking at the fish, I feel a hit of full magnetization. My back straightens, and my whole body is alert. My heart, organs, and the clitoral arrow are drawn forward. View full article »

Recently a friend of mine questioned something I’d said about men and women. I was talking about men’s orgasm being more replicable, more linear, and a more of a straightforward march toward climax. Women’s orgasm, on the other hand, as being more nuanced, with multiple peaks and valleys, sometimes including a climax and other times not. In this way, I had said, men’s and women’s bodies are made for different kinds of sex.

My friend wasn’t entirely on board with that last bit. Isn’t gender a social construct? Was I saying men and women couldn’t enjoy the same kind of sex? View full article »

I don’t know if you’ve ever had the privilege of seeing something you love, something you’ve worked very hard to create, get launched into the world. But if so, then you know where I am as I stand on the precipice of my book launch on May 25. It’s amazing, exciting, and oh so tender.

In preparation a team of us are pounding the pavement—which in the age of the internet means pounding the keyboard—to let anyone and everyone who might be interested in OM, Slow Sex, or better relationships know about the book. May I ask your help? If you follow a blog, podcast, or twitterer who you think might be interested in Slow Sex, would you send me the name or URL? Leave a comment below or email me at feedback@nicoledaedone.com. And thanks. Really.

A couple weeks ago, at the Commonwealth Club panel on Sex and Dating in San Francisco—audio to come soon!—I mentioned that in the old days, back when I was learning the practice that would eventually become OM, I would spend hours and hours in orgasm. Our (really really talented) moderator Violet Blue quipped back, “Oh, was Sting there?” It seems that as soon as you start talking about orgasm in a new way, orgasm that can extend longer than a sneeze, suddenly you find yourself talking about Sting. View full article »

If you’ve been watching my daily videos then you know I just finished what for me is a huge milestone: I did 90 yoga classes in 90 days. It was a huge milestone not just because I hadn’t done yoga in what seemed like forever before I started, but because I can’t remember the last time I set a goal like this one and actually accomplished it. I have set goals before, and achieved them. But in a lot of cases, I’ve done it without knowing what I was getting myself into. When I decided to do 90 yoga classes in 90 days, I pretty much knew what I was signing up for. And when I committed, I really committed. View full article »

Curious about the state of sex and dating in the golden city? Me too! It’s the topic of the evening tomorrow night, Thursday 3/31, at the Commonwealth Club here in San Francisco, and I have the honor of joining an amazing line-up of panelists to talk it all through. Moderated by Violet Blue, the panelists include Ethan Watters, author of Urban Tribes; Sasha Cagen, author of Quirkyalone, and N.W. Smith, the author of Date Line. Hope you’ll join us–it’s sure to be a very lively evening!

Desire is in constant motion. Sometimes it moves slowly. Other times it shifts so fast I barely have time to catch my breath before I’m headed in a completely new direction.

When you’ve vowed to use desire as your compass, as I have, you can make no promises. Anything could happen.

That’s why I never break my New Year’s resolutions: I never make them. How could I know whether I will still want to be doing Bikram two weeks from now? Or that I will still want to be on Tim Ferriss’s 4-Hour Body diet, which everyone around OneTaste seems to be on lately? View full article »