It struck me that there are certain beliefs that are normative that I simply don’t hold.  And others that are not, that are primary in my life.  I found myself trying to contort myself into all of these very uncomfortable positions, trying to look like I was operating by the standard rules of play – while all the while, in back rooms, I was playing an altogether different game.

I felt like Valjean in Les Miserables who, realizing that he could not feed his family, made the conscious choice to steal a loaf of bread.  In the moment the act had clean intent, but doubt and second-guessing seep in in hindsight, nibbling at his belief in his own rightness.

In other words, his interior compass, upon contact with the magnetizing force of the status quo, went haywire and he lost his sense of due north.

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